Why is Marriage So Hard? (Pt. 2)

If you read my post from last week highlighting some of the things that make marriage so hard, you may be feeling slightly depressed.

Hopefully enlightened, but probably depressed.

And I would venture to guess why.

You realize there’s a lot of truth in the post, but I’ve left you empty-handed as where to go next.

I am here to tie loose ends 🙂

Embrace the Hard

If you took to heart the things I said in the previous post, you may be nodding your head and thinking, “I like what you said, but it’s all in theory right?”

Wrong. It can be worked out.

But here’s the trick. Seriously, pay attention.

You can only change you. This means that regardless of what your spouse is doing/not doing, you work on you. If this means going to counseling alone, so be it. If this means reading books on becoming a better spouse, read it.

And honestly, get before the Lord and ask Him to reveal the things you can change. Because as I’ve learned, there are things we become blind through over time with steady denial.

Don’t succumb to pettiness or cheap jabs. They are hard to resist- no doubt. And this is especially true if you’re in pain. #hurtpeoplehurtpeople

And as you mature through this process of self-reflection and self-change, it will become noticeable. Walls that were built will start to come crumbling down.

Heart changes beckon heart changes.

On the Other Side of Hard

You might think once you move past a lot of these pains thing will get easier. Sorta. Well, maybe less hard.

What you’ve now done is fortified your relationship and as a couple, stand on higher ground than where you started.

There will undoubtedly be more challenges you’ll encounter as a couple, but each time, you have the opportunity to overcome it together. You’re no longer working against each other.

This could include job loss, child issues, death, health issues, etc.

And as you do, you’re creating a deeper more meaningful bond that no rom-com can even come close to mimicking.

You’ll experience changes in yourself that you didn’t realize you needed. You’ll become less selfish, more compassionate because marriage has the power to mature and transform you. And likewise, also for your spouse.


I know this is hard. I’ve talked to many of you and even despite your best, it’s not enough. It does take two willing people to make a marriage work.

Two people who are able to look past themselves while also looking directly at themselves. But marriage is so worth it.

It really does have the capability to transform each person-individually and together.

There’s a generation watching us. Let’s show them that marriage is worth the fight.


Much of these thoughts were inspired by the book The Meaning of Marriage and How We Love. I highly recommend both of these as resources.


One comment

  1. Thanks so much for your amazing blog. It really speaks to me. My wife and I are going through a lot of the things that you describe in your writing. We live in Omaha and I’m wondering if you would share with me where you went to counseling. We went through the loss of our 1 year old daughter 9 years ago, and although we’ve managed to move on, and although we have three amazing sons now, we’ve fallen into so many of the traps that you so eloquently describe. I’d do anything to find “us” again and I think that starts with outside help.

    God bless